evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize