Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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