I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
