The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My vagina just clenched in fear
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