Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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