my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize