they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
