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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
