wakey wakey hands off snakey
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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