I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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