They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
