Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
