he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
