If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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