respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
