You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
