I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
