that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
