Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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