I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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