he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
