I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
