Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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