Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Porn is love you can see.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
