Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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