Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
