New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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