Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
