she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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