Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
