Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
