oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
