I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
