we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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