some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
