whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
