My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
