As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The air was thick with penises
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
