He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
