thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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