I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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