I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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