The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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