when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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