You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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