Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
