That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
