He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
