Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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