I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
