that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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