take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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