I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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