I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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