I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
