SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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