I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
