he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
