I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So squirting runs in the family.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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