Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
