I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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