i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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