she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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