you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
