Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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