Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
where are you?
Hypothermia
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize