wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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