There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
